If you are an introvert, there inevitably comes a point when you just CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE. There are noises everywhere and if you’re *lucky* enough to have small children (or adults who need lots of physical contact) everyone touches you ALL THE TIME and people call you and text you and breakfast, lunch, and supper always has to be made, and the house has to be clean, and work has to be done, and none of it can be done without noise or people and you want to crawl into a dark, silent corner and ignore all the voices that will immediately start calling for you.
I mean, I’m told this happens. I don’t really know.
It’s easy to get caught up in confused, muddled, stressed out state of being too worn out to gauge what you actually need at that moment. So just for you, I have designed a rubric of four easy to identify stages of the PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO AWAY introvert stage. To help you.
1. The lowest level. Please leave me alone. You can even have the music on and play quietly. But let me do the dishes without ONE MORE PERSON trying to talk to me about their funny/hard day at work, the fact that the wheel came off the truck AGAIN BECAUSE YOU KEEP TAKING IT OFF, or whining because I tried so hard to get you that nap today but you didn’t take it and now you’re grumpy. Just no involvement on my part and the dishwasher loaded.
2. This isn’t devastating yet. This need can still be met if you put the baby to sleep and have the toddler play by himself. (Or your version of people in your life. Perhaps your partner needs to go to sleep and the friend has to talk to herself.) Sure, there are still interruptions, but as long as you make it clear that you are NOT LEAVING THE COUCH and you don’t have to fix the toddler’s Lego tower too many times, then it is manageable. If someone calls for a favor then you can do that ONE time if you take five minutes to work up to it. You are sitting on the couch so comfortably and you cannot be moved. You are a statue.
3. This is the comfort phase. This is the ‘I cannot go out of my way at all in any way and also I need things to make me feel better about my life’. Chocolate, a favorite book, or a movie you’ve watched 21 times. This is not the time for THINKING about things or dealing with a debilitating thing like being hungry. You can still take some noise and a few texts, as long as the texts aren’t desperate texts of people needing help, but instead funny witticisms about the political state of the country or how much certain dogs look like food.
4. Now this is serious. All the other phases happen when you can still handle a little. This phase is the phase where you actually lock the door and turn off all the electronic things, lights, TV, phone, computer. This is the phase when your neighbor goes by whistling Disney princess music (No, of course I do not have a 35 year old neighbor who does that) and you think about all the ways that you could make him be quiet. This is the phase when the baby starts crying and you consider pretending you didn’t hear, or your family member asks a very important question and you pretend you never saw the email. Except of course, you did hear both the baby and the email alert, because your hearing is on hyper alert and you hear everything from the leaves blowing in the wind on the other side of your house (WHY didn’t you sweep those up) to the lizard chirping upstairs behind the refrigerator.
Now that you know the different phases, here is how to use this rubric:
Phase four is at the bottom of the line, so if you can get half an hour to deal with this phase, then you start working your way back up the line again. Half an hour of darkness and silence and you are back in phase three, another half hour at phase 3 and you are back to phase 2*, which let’s face it, is just good for everyone involved.
*times and conditions may vary
I’m just writing this for you guys, you poor, socially conscious, introverts. I have NEVER fantasized about living indefinitely in the closet or murdering the poor little lizard who is just excited about finding such a cool, dark space to hide behind the fridge. I always am thrilled to hear the voices and opinions of those with whom I live, and I never wish that they had fewer emotions, thoughts, and sentiments.
But sometimes people complain to me about needing ‘quiet time’ so I thought I would use my considerable powers of imagination and help them. I’m really a Good Samaritan at heart, you see.
As for you extroverts, can’t you just talk to anyone you see in the grocery store about your problems? Instead of Googling things silently in the middle of the night? Yeah, I’m not worried about you.
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